why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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