He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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