you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
