Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
