whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
