she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
