dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
