I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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