Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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