So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
