yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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