Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize