I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
