so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
