I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've blown a few things in my day
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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