just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
