Pappa wants mamma naked
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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