I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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