I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
