allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
