i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
