Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
