I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What a dumb baby whore.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
