the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
