Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
