Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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