I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
