I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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