And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
