I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
