Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize