I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Alive.
So much puke
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
