Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
