Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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