Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
