can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
