Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
