At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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