but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
