I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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