If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
