I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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