Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
