Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
