I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
