I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
