Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
