It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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