I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
