the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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