That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
