You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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