found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need a beard to bite.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
