Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize