Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
