my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
