Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
