She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
