I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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