I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
