I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
