It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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