I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
