How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
