So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
