I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
