If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we made out on top of his cat.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
