I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
