If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
