4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
