Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
