lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
