so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
