so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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