upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
