she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
