I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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