do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
3pm strippers are depressing
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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