Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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