Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
