Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
