Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize