A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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