I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
