Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
