More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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