Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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