This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
