Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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