Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
