I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Semen is not good for contacts.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
