Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
