why didn't you poke me back
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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