soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
