He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
