my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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