If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
