guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
