You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
