I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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