A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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