There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
