know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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