i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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