I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
