He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
