one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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