you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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