I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize