He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize