I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
