i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
