but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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