My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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